Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Kimmel vs. Cruz, the Rematch
Jimmy Kimmel on Tuesday rehashed the details of a new feud with Senator Ted Cruz. It began, Kimmel explained, when the Texas Republican posted a tweet in which he referred to the U.S. military as “woke” and “emasculated.”
“Which I pointed out fairly, I thought, is funny coming from a guy who let Donald Trump use his testicles on the driving range,” Kimmel said. “I mean, look, he was Trump’s Theon Greyjoy,” he said in reference to the character from “Game of Thrones,” who was castrated.
Cruz responded by tweeting about his winning a one-on-one basketball game with the comedian in 2018.
“He’s right. It’s true. I do have to live with that forever. You have to live with being Ted Cruz forever, which is so much worse.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“After you won the game, do you remember what I did? I said, ‘Good game, thanks’ and I shook your disgusting hand. I didn’t complain that it was rigged. I didn’t ask for a recount on the referee. I didn’t start a conspiracy theory about the basketball having a microchip in it. I accepted it. I brought shame on my family and I embraced it, as I always do. And, I mean, listen, it was a terrible day. I lost a basketball game to a man who ate one of his own boogers during a presidential debate.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Biden and Putin, Together Again Edition)
“Well guys, today, the White House announced that President Biden will have his first one-on-one meeting with Vladimir Putin on June 16. Yeah, it’s a nice reminder that after a year in quarantine, you’re going to have to see some people you don’t like.” — JIMMY FALLON
“I can’t wait to see how these two guys try to out-macho each other during the summit. It’s like, [imitating Biden] ‘I don’t need a bathroom break, do you?’ [imitating Putin] ‘No, in fact let’s take off our shirts and have a pec-flexing contest.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yep, this will be their first in-person meeting since Biden told Putin, ‘I don’t think you have a soul.’ It’s going to be fun when Putin tells Biden, ‘Say once more so I can use for outgoing voice mail.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“They just hope it does not come down to a staring contest, because both of those guys have had a lot of Botox. Could be a long one.” — SETH MEYERS
“According to the White House, Biden and Putin will discuss a full range of pressing issues from Ukraine to government hacking to whether or not they’ve guessed the killer on ‘Mare of Easttown.’” — JAMES CORDEN
The Bits Worth Watching
The singer Richard Marx surprised Stephen Colbert by stopping by “The Late Show” to confront rumors that he’s inciting violence against Senator Rand Paul.
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Andrew Rannells, the star of “Girls5Eva,” will appear on “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”